your face
by SilentSupernatural
Summary: It has been a few days after Dean's death and Jo is having a hard time cooping. She sees his face every where and as much as it makes her cry she doesn't ever want to forget. Is it too late for her to Tell Dean she wants to be more than friends? When she sees Dean again is it just another memory or will she finally get her chance? set in early season four/ end of season three


_**Your face**_

_I heard a song tonight on the radio. Another girl sings about a boy. How she sees his face in every space and every room. I know that if I turn around you won't be there. If I close my eyes will you be there? I don't want to lose your face. I don't want to wake up and not remember what time erased. I don't want to turn around because I'm not scared of what love gave me and took away. I don't want to lose your face._

Jo stood behind the bar at the Road House washing dishes for her mother. She set the last beer glass down halfway through drying it when she heard the song I can't fight this feeling anymore. She missed Dean so much it hurt. Tears pricked at her eyes but she fought them back Dean wouldn't want her to cry. Ellen came over to her daughter and set a hand on her shoulder reassuringly, "It was his choice Jo."

The young woman cut her mother off angrily, "That's supposed to make things better! That's supposed to make it ok that Dean's suffering in Hell for all eternity! I don't give a rat if it was his choice or not! It's… it's not fair. Mom it's just not fair."

Ellen heard her daughter struggling not to cry and pulled her into a hug, "I know it's not Jo. It's not fair and it doesn't make any sense. I wouldn't expect you to be able to make sense out of it…"

Jo sniffed sadly, "Then what am I supposed to do?"

Ellen rubbed her daughter's back in gentle circles, "You get angry. You curse the universe. You break some stuff. You curse his name. You scream. You remember the good times you spent with him. You cry a little bit and every day gets a little easier especially if you have people who love you on your side."

Jo nodded into her mother's shoulder. She felt like a child the way she clung to Ellen and cried like there was no tomorrow. In between sobs she choked out, "I hate you Dean Winchester! I hate you!"

Ellen sat down in an arm chair with Jo leaned against her offering her daughter what little comfort she could. Softly she whispered, "Its ok Jo. Just let it all out baby, I'm here. You aren't alone. You are never alone. I promise."

Once the young woman had cried herself out she stood up and mumbled, "God I'm such a mess."

Ellen kissed her daughter's hair and gave her a sad smile, "Crying will do that to you. I'm gunna close the bar down early tonight. We both need some…"

Jo gasped, "Mom we can't do that. If we close early then we don't have any money coming in…"

Ellen sighed, "At this time of night we usually only get hunters in here. As far as I'm concerned they don't need to bear witness to your grief Jo. Go on upstairs and get cleaned up. I'll finish closing down in here and then will be right up there."

The young woman nodded and made her way upstairs to her bedroom. She sat down on the bed and was surprised to hear herself singing, "_Even as I wonder I'm keeping you in sight. You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night. I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might."_

**Flashback: Jo heard Dean snort and rolled her eyes at him, "What?"**

**Dean smirked teasingly, "Reo Speed wagon?"**

**Jo flipped her hair out of her face before handing Dean his beer and sitting down beside him, "Dam right Reo. He sings it from the heart."**

**Dean laughed, "He sings it from the hair."**

**Jo smiled, "Right. So am I gunna see you again?"**

**Dean tried to sound like it didn't matter when he asked, "Do you want to?"**

**Jo nodded and took a sip of her beer, "I wouldn't hate it."**

**End flashback:**

Jo didn't realize she had been crying until she felt her mother's hand brush her cheek, "its ok baby."

Jo lifted her head from the pillow, "I'm tired of crying. I don't want to remember but I don't want to forget either. Does that make any sense? I don't want to forget the way he smiled or the way he laughed."

Ellen nodded sadly, "You two were very close friends. I know you looked up to him. It might have been against my wishes and behind my back but Dean taught you how to hunt."

Jo shook her head, "Mom I loved him. I'm not afraid to remember how that felt. I don't ever want to forget that."

_I've got a picture of you on the wall in my bedroom. I hope it never falls. I hope I never lose that feeling I used to get when you called. I wonder to myself who are you? Where are you? Were you ever there at all? I don't want to lose your face. I don't want to wake up one day and not remember what time erased. I don't want to turn around. I'm not scared of what love gave me and took away. I don't want to lose your face. That girl in the song had it so good. I wish I could close my eyes and see you. I wish the sky had your face. I wish the oceans had your eyes. I wish that something had your lips. I wish I had you. I don't want to lose your face. I don't want to turn around. I'm not scared of what love gave me and took away. I don't want to lose your face._

A few months later Jo was cleaning her room and she found a picture of her Dean and Sam. Carefully she tacked it up on her wall. Gently she took a finger and traced the lines of Dean's face. A tear rolled down her cheek, "I miss you so much Dean. I never had the chance to tell you that I…"

A deep voice cut her off, "Tell me what Jo?"

Jo finished sadly, "Tell you that I love you…."

The deep voice got closer to her ear, "Why don't you turn around and tell me now."

Jo shook her head, "No this is a dream. If I turn around I won't see you anymore. I can't face that kind of disappoint meant again. I have to get over you. I don't want to forget but…"

Dean crushed his lips to Jo's in an effort to prove that he was really there. Breathlessly he whispered, "I'm here Jo. I'm right here. Open your eyes. Please."

Jo opened her eyes and gasped. Happy tears rolled down her cheeks, "Dean is it really you? How much of that did you hear?"

Dean smiled wiping away Jo's tears, "Enough to know that you love me."

Jo looked embarrassed, "Dean you don't have to say anything to that. I know don't look at me that way."

Dean cut Jo off with another strong kiss, "What does that tell you?"

Jo smiled, "You love me to?"

Dean smirked, "I didn't just kiss you twice for the hell of it. I love you Jo. I have for a long time. I just didn't think it was a good idea for the two of us to be together because of my job. I still don't but I've decided that life is too short to wandering around wondering what if."

Jo hugged Dean close to her and wrapped her arms around his neck, "You don't have to wonder anymore. You look tired."

Dean nodded, "Will you stay with me?"

Jo smiled and led Dean over to her bed. Once she helped him get comfortable she cuddled in beside him, "I'm not going anywhere. No matter what you've been through no matter how horrible just remember you are never going to lose me and you are never ever alone."


End file.
